its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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