i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize