No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
