i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He? As in you personified your dick?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
