I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
