we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize