Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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