we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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