My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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