i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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