Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
