So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
