My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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