He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
