Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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