quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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