Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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