No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
