screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She bit a glass in half.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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