Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
