A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
