I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
