Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want a musical about memes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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