is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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