this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize