Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
