you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
