I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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