Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
