so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
