good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
