The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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