Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
