atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
