If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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