soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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