Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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