his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize