Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
