It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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