You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why is your signature on my underwear?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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