I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
