she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
