Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
