I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
