Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
