Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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