Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
