I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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