i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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