I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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