you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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