i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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