but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
