my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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