I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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