a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
God, I missed his penis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
