if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
