I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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