You're so nebulous sometimes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
