I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
