You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
