Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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