Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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