in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
