It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
