I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
