You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
